What EVERYONE Gets Wrong About Exercise AND How I Got Fit the Easy Way

It took me until my mid 40s to get in pretty good shape. These are the mistakes I made along the way.

This is not my gym, it’s way too classy, but you get the picture. Photo by Risen Wang on Unsplash.

Hey everyone, Helen here, thanks for reading! Thank you for making last week’s newsletter about the shaming of Jessica Simpson circa 2009 a banger. It’s one of my most-opened and widely read yet. Check it out here if you missed it. 

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Exercise is not that hard but everyone gets it wrong

Last week I was out for coffee with my dear friend Donna when we started chatting about our exercise routines, existing and aspirational. As I was stuffing chunks of a chewy pistachio fig cookie into my gob, while taking steamy chugs of a truly delicious caffé misto (apparently this is what they call an americano with some steamed milk in it), I decided to unload a truly TedX worthy soliloquy about my exercise opinions upon my lovely pal. 

Luckily she, like my other long-suffering friends and family members, is used to my unsolicited seminars, and she thought this topic should be my next newsletter. So here we are!

My basic thought on exercise is that people put too much intermittent pressure on themselves, they exercise for too long each session only a few times a week and that’s why they ultimately fail. 

It’s just too much! And there are too many variables!

We’ve all been conditioned to see fitness as a short term project, like the whole “Bikini Body For Summer” magazine headlines of yore, but I’m telling you as a reformed exercise-aversive person, this whole getting-fit-thing is more of a lifelong marathon than a seasonal or six-month sprint. 

Also: Please note that I am absolutely not any sort of qualified trainer, merely this is what has worked for me and my invisible stringbean muscles and weak bronchitis-prone lungs over the years.

I got fit in my 40s and it was actually pretty easy

In my 20s and 30s, I went to the gym 3 times a week and tried to do a one hour session each time. I’d also try and fit in strenuous hot yoga and at-home pilates on the other days of the week.

BAD. 

What ended up happening is that I’d always be playing some sort of internal algebra, weighing which were the good days to go to the gym, and when I should skip. What usually happened is I skipped too many sessions or I’d flame out trying to juggle too many exercise balls and do nothing at all but lounge on the couch eating Flaming Hot Cheetos with a pair of chopsticks.

I also did this when I was into running. I’d do three intense 10km runs a week. Also bad. I got hip bursitis, which still flares up. I will also add that despite being a lifelong few-times-a-week exerciser, I still never got much cardio conditioning or muscle tone out of these sessions, until I switched everything up.

My running conditioning is not what it was, but overall I’m way stronger. I notice this when I lift groceries like 5kg (11lb) sacks or rice or potatoes. They may be awkward to heft because I’m not tall or they have no easy-to-grip handles, but they are not actually heavy anymore.

When my friends and fam decide they are going to start exercising, they really go for it. They want to crank out a blistering, sweaty hour each session. That’s way too much! You’ll get burned out on that schedule really quickly. Not to mention that your cardio improves faster than your musculature according to a running article I remember reading, so you could actually injure yourself because your lungs feel fine but your body isn’t strong yet.

Here’s how I got fit, and if I can, you can too

I finally have some light definition in my arms, and a bit of muscles in my neck that I can see. This has never been the case in my life, I’ve always been pretty soft. And the reason I have these muscles is that I lift 8lb weights all the time. I don't do it for long, and you don't need to either. Some more thoughts:

-I go to the gym or exercise DAILY. This has made a WORLD of difference and it’s how I actually got fit. Tuesdays are my rest day (I only stroll around the neighbourhood) but I go to the gym for a short burst every day otherwise.

-I NEVER spend a long time at the gym, 30 minutes max. I do not like the gym. Someone always smells bad or is grunting loudly and dropping weights. As established at the beginning of this article, I’m more of a coffee-shop, gossip-sesh, overpriced-latte kind of girl. 

-I do 20 minutes of either Zone 2 cardio or VO2 Max cardio (more on down below in my actual routine) and then 10 minutes of lifting weights. I glare at the gym bros who take too long in any one spot, and then they move along and relinquish the machine/weight bench to me because they are rightly scared of middle-aged half Asian women who are shooting lightning bolts out of their eyeballs at them.

-Never be intimidated by gym bros, as per above. You have as much a right to claim gym space as they do. Anyway, they may have big muscles and look intimidating but they are almost always really nice and they are not judging you. They’re too busy grunting and looking at their trap muscles in the mirror.  Don’t forget, these are the dudes who got the daylights pummeled out of them as kids, that’s why they are obsessed with the gym as grown ups. So do your thing, miss ma’am!

-Never be intimidated by the gym girlies either. You’ve seen them, they have impeccable ponytails, glossy false lashes and Gymshark spandex outfits. They’re not judging you either, they’re spending all their time trying to get fit without getting gym-splained on their lifting technique by meatheads or ogled by the pimply teenagers.

-It took me 7 years of going to the gym all the time to reach this fitness level. Yes, 7 years!! You have to take a long outlook, not a short-term outlook. Fitness is supposed to support your health span, it’s not just for visible muscles and definitely not to lose weight. 

-I’m always home within an hour of leaving and thus I never feel overwhelmed, this is just part of my life like brushing my teeth. This is what I do: get dressed for gym in my “uniform” (which takes the thinking out of it) Old Navy Powersoft Compression Leggings in the ⅞ length, sports bra, sports t-shirt. Walk to gym (8 minutes). Exercise at gym (30 minutes). Locker time for my coat, use the toilet–hey I never said my bladder was in great shape–(3 minutes). Walk home (8 minutes). Total: 50 minutes.

My actual routine, by day

Monday: Cardio Zone 2, bike or treadmill (could hold a breathy conversation but not panting) followed by leg machines and some 8lb bicep curls and rows

Tuesday: Rest day! I listen to a podcast and walk for 30 minutes at any speed.

Wednesday: Cardio Zone 2, bike or treadmill or elliptical (could hold a breathy conversation but not panting) followed by torso exercises (planks, sit ups), shoulder presses, and a mix of maybe one leg machine and bicep curls

Thursday: Cardio Zone 2 (could hold a breathy conversation but not panting), bike. A mix of arms and legs weight machines.

Friday: VO2 Max day. All out running for 4 minutes followed by walking for 4 minutes. Repeat until 30 minutes elapse and I want to drop dead. No weights.

Saturday: Cardio Zone 2, usually a slow run on the treadmill. Followed by arm exercises using free weights. I also work on my grip strength because of its well-established correlation with dementia risk reduction.

Sunday: An endurance day. If the weather is good I go for a brisk hike, or walk on a steep incline on the treadmill without stopping.

You could do this too!

You don’t even need the gym. If you can walk, walk. If you can only lift your arms, lift your arms. Whatever it is, do it. Add movement to your life. Make a commitment to do 30 minutes of anything and it’s OK to only do 20 minutes for an entire YEAR if that’s what you need. Don't’ push so much pressure on yourself to be fit immediately. This is how people flame out. It takes time. This is a lifetime marathon. 

Also, you can build some pretty impressive muscles using only 8lb dumbbells which you can buy for $15 apiece or less. I did! Sure, it took 7 years but so what? I got there in the end and you can too. 

Alright everyone, that’s all from me this week. Hope you enjoyed reading this!

Warmly,

Helen